When are we really "too busy"?

So I was talking to a friend that lives out of state recently whom had just had a birthday. She was feeling pretty sorry for herself because her husband had offered to watch their kids for an evening and told her to "go out with some of her friends -- take some girl time" and she made a startling discovery. She "didn't have any friends" She couldn't find anyone to go out with her. I could totally relate to this problem. I know if I wanted to go out for a "girls night" -- even if I was totally flexible with the day I would likely never be able to find anyone to go. Which maybe is why I usually say I have a lot of acquaintances but not very many friends.

If you ask Facebook I have 60 friends. But how many of those "friends" are people I could actually go hang out with? Grab a coffee (figuratively i don't actually drink coffee! ;) ), see a movie, get together with our families for a BBQ? I won't tell you how many but it's pretty few. Now some of you live far away, etc -- I am not pointing fingers at anyone in particular here, just making a point~I promise. (I am not speaking to any one specific incident before we all get paranoid!)

Maybe I'm just in a bad mood myself, or maybe I am feeling a little lonely, I am not sure, but frankly I think this stinks. When did we become to busy for friends? When did we allow our lives to be so taken up with "stuff" that we don't have time for relationships? Is there some unwritten vow in marriages, or delivery rooms where you declare (even unintentionally) that those primary relationships are now going to be your ONLY relationships? Have we outgrown friendships?

Or is the real problem that we have downgraded friendship to something that exists for disasters, favors, and casual "runnings in"? Have friendships become unintentional relationships of convenience? Something easily blown off and to be totally uncommitted to? I think in many ways -- it has. Which is why I know so many adults who will tell you they "used to be" friends with so and so, and that "for awhile " they were close with this group, now it's this group. It's why i know MANY, many moms who's entire social circle revolves around what activities there kids are in, and what school they attend. Because if they aren't being forced to see each other once a week, or in the carpool line they just -- well, they just don't.

You the what the other large group of moms I know is? Lonely ones.

I don't really think the problem with our lack of adult friendships is that we are too busy. I think it' s that we think we are too busy. Yes friendships are relationships, and relationships take work. They take energy. But they are worth it, at least I think so.

I am not saying I am innocent in this friendship lag. But I will say that I am frequently told that I am the busiest person someone knows. I have 5 active kids and a husband I actually spend time with. :) But I have never claimed I am to busy to be friends with someone. I nearly ALWAYS find the time to follow through on plans, make plans, and just "get together" --- when others want to I tend to be "wide open". Not because my schedule is that open but because I am willing to make the time. Maybe I go to far the other way. In fact I know I do. I bend over backward to make a friendship "doable" -- because I usually know the other party won't. But I think I am done with those kind of relationships. Ask any 16 year old girl in a one way relationship -- it's not fun to be the only one working to maintain a relationship. It's depressing, and it's sad. I'm not saying we should all just drop everything all the time, or put our families second to our friendships -- not at all. What I am saying is that we should seek out friendships -- they're important, and that once we have sought them out we should keep them on the map. I believe balance is possible if you WANT it to be. And this goes for family relationships too.

So here's our challenge: In the next week get together with someone you don't usually see, not a regular meet up but something extra. Grab dessert, see a movie, wander about the mall, take a walk in the park with the kids. You'll feel better. God did not intend us to walk around this earth alone. :) So go ahead and MAKE the time for someone, or several someones! I dare you. :)

Overheard in the living room today....

TEAGUE: A, B, C, D, E, F, Geez, H, J, K, Now give me the chocalate.

:) A boy after my own heart!

Just one thing...

This is my challenge today, especially for those of us with kids!

Name just ONE thing you love about each of your kids RIGHT NOW:

1. Samuel REFUSES to wear matching socks. I mean refuses. He intentionally will pick two totally different ones from the sock bin because "it's more fun that way".

2. Teague singing the Team Umizoomi theme song all over the house. Nothing like "mighty math powers" to get you going in the morning.

3. Charlotte has found her feet and is DETERMINED to eat them if she could just bend her leg up high enough....

4. Luke's sense of sarcasm is killing me. Just yesterday I asked Luke to go upstairs and tell Samuel it was time for jammies and what did he reply? "Sure cause THAT's gonna make him do it." I know I should find it disrespectful that you said this under your breath to yourself, but I sorta think it's cute! One of the many moments lately I look at you and think "He really IS growing up!"

5. Just when Molly is driving me to my wit's end of frustration she does something like her performance on Sunday that reminds that kid has some serious self confidence. I don't think the word "nerves" is in her vocabulary!

Stay tuned...

We will be unveiling the "new and improved" blog on Friday.... and in order to get ready we will be running our first "blog contest" this week. lol.. Anyone who comments to this blog will be entered into a random drawing for a "fabulous" prize, and of course -- fame and honor as our first contest winner. lol.

This Saturday was free admission day at Impressions Five Science Museum in Lansing . I always try really hard to get everyone out the door and to these places. I guess I hope they remember it when they are older. IT's not always easy (or cheap!) with all five of them, but I usually think it's worth it! ;)

Charlotte was all ready to be seen in public!

Molly tried out the green screen -- she's pretending to be the weather girl!

This is a really cool picture - you can see the bubble coming out of the bubble "wall"

Do you guys remember this thing? I think it's everyone's favorite thing at the science museum -- nothing like trying to get "in" the giant bubble!

Hey Grandma Coreen! Samuel has discovered the "root" of all the heart troubles... :)

Teague isn't out of control, he's just channeling his inner Beethoven (he was the one with the crazy hair right? I mean surely that guy knew how to go wild right?)

Victory!

I love pictures like this -- when I am old and senile I will think they liked each other! ;)

As if Molly needs her voice magnified. lol...

Sunday Bonus!

Molly's performance this morning at the Cascades Wesleyan Church:

http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=3MhyIvX3Qrw

A Life Preserver

The blog has been sinking this week so Samuel (via safety day at swim lessons) has come to the rescue with a dozen reasons my blog updates this week have been lacking!

1. For a variety of reasons all of the older kids have not been to school all week. Extra people in the house unexpectedly cause my schedule, and routine to fly out the window.

2. My allergies have kicked in and that really sucks. I used to have entirely fall allergies. Evidently I now get to be blessed by them in the spring as well. My eyes are itching like crazy, my insurance sucks so I can't go to see a doctor about it without it costing a fortune, and even if I could I am still nursing the baby so I can take virtually nothing for it.

3. I am desperately trying to get spring cleaning underway in this house and no one is really on board. It's leaving me longing for the days last summer when we did stuff together because we had no Internet and no cable TV. I may even have threatened (several times) in the last few days to have it all shut off again!

4. I am also trying to get my Etsy business, Lulu and The Princess Boutique, up and running. This involves a lot of work on my part, getting things ready to sell, and actually setting up the shop site. It's exciting but time consuming, and to be honest... I am a little bit scared to do it. What if I set it all up and Jason gets all excited about my "business" and then I don't sell anything? :(

5. We have been busy practicing Molly's dance for the Cascades Wesleyan Church this week. In fact, she will practice at the church this afternoon. I am really proud of all the hard work she has put in remembering and "perfecting" her dance. I hope the congregation enjoys it.

6. It was the last week for Samuel's swim lessons. (at least for this session) Now we need to make decisions (and quick!) about soccer, baseball, etc.

7. Lottie is a beautiful baby, but also a bit of a leach. She's reached an age when she wants to be played with, and NOW! :)

8. Speaking of Charlotte she has started making this weird little sound like she can't get any air out. It really upsets her, (and me!) and I don't know what to do about it -- it almost sounds like she is having an asthma attack, which I know she is to young for. The doctor seems equally as baffled, but of course she doesn't do it when he is standing there.

9. I have been trying to avoid the Internet because, as you may have heard -- health care reform passed. Without commenting either way on health care let me just say, that:

A- I don't think facebook is an appropriate political forum

B- whether you are for or against something, base your opinion in fact. I have seen so many posting how they love health care reform for things it does not contain and will not achieve it is equalled only by those posting how outraged they are by health care reform because of things the bill does not contain, or will not achieve. Like it, don't like it. I am all for your right to have an opinion -- but base that opinion in actual facts.

C- As the old saying goes, "Dissent is patriotic" but name calling is junior high! ;)

(stepping off my soapbox now....)

10. It's that time of year when it seems life is just busy, we don't have a lot going on outside the norm yet, but I can feel it gearing up, just as the weather is warming up, and I think I sense that and am desperately trying to hang on to a few relaxing moments.

11. And this is probably the main reason, we have been working on some major decision making around here in the last few weeks and it is eating my time and mental energy. To make it worse, it's not something I feel comfortable sharing here in blog world just yet, and it had been difficult to post about "other stuff". It's coming I promise. (and no we are NOT having another baby, ever! )

12. These are all just excuses and I am really sorry. I promise to do better next week! I am planning a revamp of the entire blog layout, and will be running get this.. our first "contest" next week! So don't give up on me yet!

If it feels like I am posting far to brief of entries these days... this is why.

Charlotte, my Lottie Bear, Princess, Moo,

You like to be held, and played with, and read to, and danced, and of course fed and changed. And it's taking up all of mommy's time!

But that's okay because there is nothing I would rather be doing! We've got a lot going on otherwise right now too, and some huge decisions to be made. But I will update more on that tomorrow!

Overheard at the dinner table

As we were cleaning up after dinner tonight (which was FABULOUS by the way!) Jason was telling Luke he had used all his DS playing time for the day and that he needed to find something else to do. Of course this set Luke off into a "whine-ese" spell. "I'm bored, there is not anything else to do..." To which Jason replied "Luke you had a life before you had a DS " and Luke replied:
"Yeah and it was not good!"
Oh my gosh. Seriously the DS is about to fly from my car window!

Remember Me, a review.

So last night after the kids were in bed I went out with a friend from the studio and saw Remember Me. And I wanted to take a minute to talk about it, so here goes it.

*****MAJOR SPOILER ALERT******

Below I will be discussing the movie in detail. If you plan to go see it and don't want to know the ending

STOP NOW!

Remember Me, is a movie essentially about a very "screwed up" guy and a rather "screwed up" girl who get together. (Yes, screwed up is now a technical term.) Tyler is barely getting through life torn between the emotional baggage of his brother having hung himself on his twenty second birthday (we later learn found by Tyler) and the fact that his family, frankly, sucks. He has a father who doesn't seem to have the time, or effort for anything but his business. In fact the dad seems down right cruel in his ability to brush off and ignore Tyler's little sister Caroline. His mother seems to care but doesn't seem able to doing anything about it. The only saving grace to the family situation is that he has a very loving and understanding relationship with is younger sister. To top it off Tyler is about to turn 22 himself. On a bet he agrees to go out with the daughter of a cop who roughed him up when arresting him to "get back at the cop". Welcome Ally. Ally appears somewhat put together but having witnessed her mothers murder when she was 11 carries some baggage and lives with a mega controlling drunk of a father.

As one may expect Tyler and Ally hit it off and after a few hours of documenting how screwed up they are, especially Tyler's family, something happens. First Ally finds out about the bet and leaves Tyler. Then his little sister has her hair cut off by some bullies at a slumber party. This traumatic event brings the family together, brings Ally back to Tyler, and gets the dad acting like a dad for the first time. Tyler and his dad appear to be starting a relationship. On his way to meet his dad at his office Tyler tells Ally he loves her for the first time. I think for the first time in the whole movie you see Tyler smile in the office as he waits for his dad, then (spoiler here!) the screen pans out and you realize Tyler is standing at the window of his dad's office in a very tall office building. The film cuts to Caroline's class, where her dad has actually just taken her to school (she is so happy!) and her teacher is writing the date on the board. September 11, 2001.

Yep, his dads office is in the twin towers. You never actually see the terrorist attack in the film, you just see him standing there way up looking out over the city smiling and the screen goes black. When it comes back you see debris falling and all the various characters looking up at the sky, in the dirt and debris of the crumbled towers you see Tyler's journal all tore up. He died. The movie ends.

Okay once I got over the total shock factor here ( it really felt like getting hit in the stomach at the theater) I gave this film a lot of thought. My first reaction was what was the point? And I am still a bit shocked by it. But I will say I do think there was a point. As Tyler says in the movie "Gandhi said everything we do in life will be insignificant, but it's important that we do it anyway." The central idea to the movie really is that you must not take any moment for granted. Because at any point it could all be gone, and that you never know when what you are doing will be the thing you have to give this world. No matter how small it may seem to you.

Overall it was well done. It was "wonderfully" awful.

Jackson YMCA Orcas Swim Party

Always, always, always busy!

Teague can be so strong willed, so insistant, so loud ... that is easy to forget he can also be so cute.....

Last night Charlotte was reacting pretty poorly to her vaccinations and was running a nasty fever. (about 102) Teague asked what was wrong and I told him she had "owie hurt". (That is what he calls it when he is hurting.) He asked were so for lack of other option I pointed to her forehead and said it was hot. He touched it to make sure and said "yep-- owie hurt". Then he ran upstairs yelling ... "wait a minut I'll be right back."

When he came back downstairs he put a bandaid on her forehead and gave her stuffed bunny. It was so sweet....

Facebook Contest!

So of my many "fan pages" on facebook I've noticed how many of them are always trying t "get more fans" -- Today if Diapers Shops.com (a really fab online diaper retailer!) gets 50 new fans they are doing a random drawing for a Flip Stay Dry Diaper Pack!

Hmmm.... maybe I should try something similar with this blog.. the such and such follower gets a random prize.. .... ;)

NOTE I am not saying it's a great prize! LOL!

Luck Of the Irish!

And the one in a million shot -- all of them together!

And a cute cloth diaper shot!

It seems the last couple of years the weather for St Patrick's Day has been out of this world! It was so beautiful today the little ones and I hung out at the park this afternoon and had an ice cream cone, and after tap we took a nice, long walk as a family. Jason isn't a big "walker" but he indulged me. :)

P.S. Blogwatchers! Today's post contains the real "rare" find. A picture of me! LOL.... Also for reference sake, the pictures in the header to the blog (blogspeak for the banner across the top with the title!) are from last St. Patrick's Day!

A rotten place.

Okay so I hesitated to even post this. I have been hemming and hawing about it all night, because it's frankly embarrassing. Why is it embarrassing? Because it a classic example of why I am not super mom. Quite the opposite in fact.
My boys are active. They are mischievous. They lack focus sometimes. But they are good kids. They mean well. They are nice, they do "the right thing". Molly does not.
I know that sounds bad but it's the truth. Molly does not do the right thing. She isn't "nice". She frankly, doesn't TRY to be good. I'm not sure she cares. And I am so tired of hearing people laugh about how "dramatic" she is, or say "oh she's such a drama queen" or people think it's cute. It's not. And it's not acceptable. I am done listening to her whine, complain and meltdown over the wind blowing the wrong way. I don't even know how it got this way because we have raised her the same we have raised the boys, who while they certainly have their issues do NOT behave like her. Which is basically like a spoiled brat, who doesn't care to show ANY respect for anything she has. NOTHING matters enough to put forth a little effort to take care of. I am so tired of it I could scream. And on occasion, I have.
But her latest display of rotten behavior takes the cake. She stole from me. She literally stole a $50 bill out of my bag and took it to school. Thankfully her teacher took it from her and put it in an envelope for her to take home. She told me this (the teacher) at pick up. Funny thing is -- when we got home the money was gone. Not only did Molly steal from me, but when given the envelope to return my money she couldn't be bothered to keep track of it between her classroom and the van. She "must have dropped it somewhere". Seriously. This is what I finally got out of her after over an hour of "WHERE IS MY MONEY?" After she initially lied and said she "accidentally put it in her crayon box" she fessed that she didn't know where it is. She must have dropped it. Fifty dollars. And it's not just the money, although believe me that doesn't thrill me. It's that she did it. She's a thief. And it's not the first time, we caught her trying to steal gum from the grocery store recently as well. I have tried everything we can think of -- grounding, punishing, talking to, etc. Nothing works to make that child behave and I am at my wit's end. She has missed dance, lost privileges. Heck a week ago i finally cracked and cleaned her room for her because I couldn't take it anymore and I literally threw out 2/3 of her stuff. I don't know what else to do with her. Because seriously, she doesn't care.
So there you have it. I am raising a juvenile delinquent. Who seriously lacks morals. And now you know the truth -- I suck at parenting, evidently.

A Miraculous Thing

Okay maybe miracle is a strong word, but wow. I must say I was blown away by my kids this weekend. It had been a long time since we went a fun, family outing so we decided to take the kids to the McDonald's play place. It's not the greatest thing in the world but you know... it's cheap and the kids have a blast. Plus we NEVER go so it is really exciting for them! The problem? When we got there they had a party going on and the play place (the only one in Jackson) was closed.

I was prepared for a total meltdown but they just sat in the car, quietly looking upset. Meanwhile Jason and I scoured our brains for an alternate activity. That's the problem in Jackson -- there was literally nothing else going to do. There are no kids movies out, two of our kids are to small to roller skate and ice skating open skate wasn't on at that time. What to do.......

That's when Jason and I noticed the Chuck E Cheese coupons in the junk mail sitting between the front seats in the van. I loathe Chuck E Cheese. We hadn't been since before Samuel was born. It's loud, it's crowded, and it's meltdown central. But I caved and we took the kids to Lansing anyway.

Here's the miraculous thing -- yes it was crowded and loud, but my kids were ANGELS. They were each given their allotment of tokens and no one begged for more. No one cried when it was time to go, no one cried because they wanted a better prize than they had tickets for. With Charlotte in the Moby wrap we actually had a good time, and I left thinking I might just do that again in the next 6 years.....

A Shout Out to my Friends

It's been brought to my attention many times this week that I really have some fabulous friends and I wanted to take the time to publicly thank them.
To Jennifer Walsh for being will to call me when directed to by facebook -- whatever did we do when we lost our phones before facebook and the Internet?
To Kelly Hollbrook for letting me "see" her beautiful new camera at the party
To Alex Uliciny without whom my last minute party may never have gotten off

And to all the rest of you.....
THANK YOU

I wouldn't make it through this crazy life without you!

A Perfectly Posh Party!

So I finally got around to having Molly's birthday party yesterday and I learned two really good lessons. FIRST, I am never throwing a party together last minute again. By Friday afternoon I was actually in tears because things weren't coming together fast enough and I was out of time. (as in I felt I should have already left by then.) Molly ended up missing dance because I couldn't spare the 20 minutes to go drop her off. SECOND, I seriously underestimated the energy level of some 7-8 year old girls. Maybe Molly is just seriously laid back?

In the end, Molly said the party was "fabulous" and indeed, they all seemed to have a fabulous time. To begin the party the girls were greeted at the door and had their picture taken in all there fabulous attire. They all seemed to really get into coming all "fancied" up. Then they had the opportunity to get their finger nails painted by our "resident nail artist" -- thank you Tori Cavender! I don't think there was a girl there who's eyes didn't light up when they were offered hot pink finger nail polish!

Once all the girls got there they moved on to our first art station, where they painted some little wooden treasure boxes I picked up at Michael's as "jewelery boxes". As it has been a few years since I did parties I am used to doing preschool age parties. I was amazed at how intent they were on the painting and how quiet they sat there doing it. And for quite a long time as well.

Next we had pizza. I think the hit of all the food was that the girls were told they could keep their fancy glasses. They were all super excited that they could take them home with them, and seemed to really enjoy using them. The best part is they were 2/$1 at The Dollar Tree.

After pizza we moved on to the make your own charm necklace station. The girls seemed to enjoy this -- i purchased little necklace "kits" from the craft store for $1 that each contained three wooden charms and a few extra beads, and string. I also purchased a bag of extra beads to add to them which I had in bowls on the table. Meanwhile i was in the kitchen with Jason desperately trying to print the pictures of the girls as my intent was to iron on transfer them onto t-shirts for the girls to take home during cake and free time. Sadly, after MUCH frustration, and Alex to talk me down, we gave up on this idea. (It was later determined that my batch of iron transfer sheets were defective. The "stickable" side of the transfer sheet was attached to the backing making it impossible to transfer print side up) At this point we served the cake to the "ladies and Lucas"

During cake Alex and I talked and decided in the interest of sanity we were going to ditch the dress up clothes relay I had planned as the girls were really getting wild. In fact we had to start taking cupcakes away when they started spreading frosting onto their foreheads etc.... it was a tad bit out of control, but still fun for the girls.

After cake we played musical chairs, not once but twice to allow for the girls to get another chance. I know some people really hate musical chairs but in general I find the kids love to play it. Of course there is always a Molly in the crowd who really wants to play but then really cries when they are out. I am proud of the other girls though in that she was the only one who cried. Besides it's a good life lesson, it's still fun to play even when there is only one winner. Plus I had prized for everyone so that helps too! The first round was won by Tori, the second by Heaven.

Finally it was time for presents -- Molly didn't' say anything tactless, in fact she loved everything, and the girls all actually wanted to watch. Before I knew it the party was over except for spending the last few moments playing Foosball, or paddle ball, or simply dancing around in their "fabulous" attire

e All that's left to do now is make our most fancy of thank you notes, because it wouldn't be fancy not to say thank you!

Animal House and other thoughts...

It seems like this week has been so randomly busy. To top it all off Samuel has bronchitis, I am not feeling well and Molly's birthday party is Friday. Am I ever glad Jason isn't working evenings right now!

The latest in what appears to be an endless night of "theme" Wednesdays last night was "Dress like your favorite animal night" at church for the kids (as pictured above) Molly was a black and white cat, Luke was a turtle (he made it himself!) and Samuel was a monkey. Don't get me wrong, the theme nights are cute, and the kids love them. In addition it makes them WANT to go to midweek service which I am sure, is the point. BUT I am so tired of them! I've had all I can take of costume night, pj night, dress like a movie character night, dress for a sport night, dress like an animal night, luau night, fake injury night, superhero night, and yes, you read that correctly -- fake injury night! As if I don't have enough to do every week, every Wednesday night as we try to hurry through dinner to get to church I get to construct, make, pull together all these glorious costumes! So if you're listening Pastor Crystal -- we love you, the kids love you, but please it is not Halloween every Wednesday. How about "come as a child of God" night, or "where what you wore to school night" ? Give us moms a break!

On a side note, I apoligize for not getting the recipes up the last few days. We had one day when I was to sick to cook, one day I need to post this afternoon and yesterday Jason neglected to take the roast out like I asked him to the night before leaving us with leftovers!

Total shock.

As many of you know, a police officer was killed in the line of duty yesterday here in Jackson. Which in itself, is shocking enough. I mean, it's Jackson. Not small town America (that's Spring Arbor!) but still. Not a place we think about as being THAT violent. A place I still consider you know, safe. I was stunned when I heard about it, and terribly saddened for the family of such a young man all day yesterday. Fast forward to last night and I am sitting on the couch with Charlotte, almost ready for bed when I see the channel 10 local news come on and they are interviewing Officer Bonneau's father and I realize something that nearly knocked me off the couch. I knew him. The father. Well, technically I knew Officer Bonneau -- back when his family called him Jimmy and his sister and I were in junior high together obsessing over Anne of Green Gables. We were actually quite close, his sister Emily and I, all those years ago.

I think it has hit me so hard because well, it was a tragic thing that happened, and then to have it happen here, in Jackson, where I considered myself so far removed from all the people and things I used to be and know back home. I don't know, it's just really hit me hard, especially the news reports about his family, his parents, his sister about to have a baby. I don't know the Bonneau family anymore, but for a season of my life, when I just a young girl they were a very big deal to me. And I just wanted to take this time to ask that we all pray for them in this terrible time. Because at least when I knew them, they were truly some of the kindest, most gentle, loving people who certainly don't deserve this.

Mirror, Mirror, On the Tummy Time Turtle's belly....

Who's the fairest of them all?

Hey! I think that's me!

Breaking News!

Recital Schedules are in!

Samuel will peform both ballet and tap pieces on Saturday June 12 at 2:00 p.m.

Molly will perform ballet Saturday June 12 at 7:00 p.m,

and her tap and jazz pieces on Sunday, June 13 at 2:00 p.m.

Tickets go on sale May 10, 2010

Even a Super Hero Needs to Sleep...

And they also need to eat. The good news is that we have finally found a way to get Teague to willingly come to the table for dinner. The bad news is that in order to do that we have to light a candle on the table (a "Hanukkah" as Teague calls it) and sing him Happy Birthday after grace. Then he blows it out to thunderous applause (and a lot of sibling giggling and eye rolling) and happily eats his dinner. :) Hey whatever it takes right?

Parenthood: The TV Version

Okay so I have been meaning to blog about this show all week (well since Tuesday night anyway). First allow me to say I have been looking forward to this show literally since last summer when the commercials for it started airing. (You remember, the ones that said "Parenthood is understanding why some species EAT their young.) :) That said, I had NO IDEA until like this past Monday that one of the families on the show had a child with Aspergers.

I almost didn't watch. I hate the way television shows typically portray autistic characters. Either they only show the extreme forms of autism we are all familiar with -- think Rain man type scenario -- or they poke fun of the "lesser" forms of autism, think the TV show "Community" which I flatly refuse to watch and have taken to sending emails about. But, I am glad that I did watch this particular show.

As many of you know, and maybe some of you don't, Luke has an autistic disorder. He does not have Aspergers, his official diagnosis is high functioning autism. The therapist who diagnosed him (finally!) at age 7 said he was one of the most high functioning he had ever seen. But that was not always the case. When Luke turned 2 he was completely non verbal. At nearly 3 he had a speech evaluation that put his speech at 9 months of age. He did years of early intervention and special education assisted preschool all under the umbrella of being a child "with a speech and language impairment" No one felt able to quite make the diagnosis that would label Luke with autism. Especially Jason and I. When Luke turned 4 his speech had ballooned. They estimated he had about 250 + words -- the issue was that he only used them as single words. Not sentences. Not phrases. We walked around modeling what speech should sound like for him constantly. I practically had "use your words" playing from a loud speaker in the house. Our ISD therapists were so impressed with all the labeling, and organizing, and modeling I had designed right into our home and daily life that they invited other therapists over to see it. We had a schedule posted but I REFUSED to allow Luke to talk with picture cards as they recommended. I was all for forcing him to talk. When he entered kindergarten (for the first time) they were, I believe ready to diagnose as autistic but I refused to sign an IEP that said it. We called it PDD/NOS -- what I would come to know as a catch all diagnosis for kids who fit the bill of autism but don't quite fit in o classical autism or aspergers. PDD/NOS literally stands for a "pervasive developmental disorder not otherwise specified" By now though Luke functions almost exactly like a "normal" peer. He is behind a grade in school. He did kindergarten twice, when you dont start to speak until 3 and use sentences until 5 it takes an extra year to catch up. Most people who meet Luke now would only say he was slightly "off" or "quirky" The doctors say the only difference between Luke (high functioning autism) and those with Aspergers is how his language developed. A person with Aspergers syndrome is "quirky" in all the ways that Luke is, give or take, but their language developed normally.
I was impressed with Parenthood (NBC 10 pm Tuesday) because of it's ability to portray a child with Aspergers fairly accurately. To often the characteristic traits are played so severely that they don't really depict a child with Aspergers Syndrome, or at least a child without an EXTREME case of Aspergers. I am intrigued by the relationship between Max's (the child with Aspergers) father and HIS dad as it relates to Max's diagnosis. There was a scene where Max was exhibiting symptoms and his grandfather was wanting him to act a different way and his father says "He cant, there's something wrong with him" and the grandfather replies "no, he's just different" and "so he's got some issues everyone does" something along those lines, and the dad gets teary and a familiar desperate plea entered his voice as he said "no there's something WRONG with my son" Boy, did that hit home. I can't tell you how many times I have heard "oh he's fine" "or he's just a boy" or "not everyone is social" -- all of that is true of course. But the reality, especially in those moments early going was that what I really needed to hear was "I'm sorry" not "the diagnosis must be wrong"
I've also learned a lot since those days. Autism is not a bad word. It can be a scary word, but it is not a bad word. It also define who a person is. My son is NOT an autistic person, he is a person with autism. And like a person with allergies yes that effects his life, but it does not define him. And in Luke's case I have learned it also does not limit him. It gives him his passion for the things he loves and his ability to focus is a way that seems unnatural to scatterbrained mother. Yes, it also impacts his life negatively but we try to focus on what we can control.
As I recently said to another "person with autism" I know, "yes you have this thing, autism, but it does not define you. It is a part of you, and like most things in life, sometimes that sucks, but you wouldn't be YOU without Autism. It is a part of what makes your personality yours." It is important for those of you who know someone with an autistic disorder to remember this. (And odds are you do know someone) Autism can be scary, it can be overwhelming, and it can take a million different forms because autism is unique to the person it effects. But they would not be the person you know without it. And that doesn't mean you need to feel bad for loving them for the person they are. Autism included.

Quick Updates on Us....

It seems like it as been such a busy week around here. Ugh.. still looking for that early spring slowdown.....

but some quick updates on the week:

**I made a t-shirt for Dr Seuss day for Samuel andhe thought I was the best thing ever!**

***Charlotte learned to pull the music bar on her chair by herself!***

***Jason cut back his hours at Charlie's (the second job) and we are praying like crazy it works out because it will give a lot more family time -- which we desperately need! ***

*** Molly will be a "featured performer" (hee, hee) at The Cascades Wesleyan Church on palm sunday doing the Shout to the Lord dance she learned at ballet.*** (yes that is her grandma's church!)

***Teague has a new obsession. Team UmiZoomi - We've got mighty math powers!*** (see video below!)

As for me, I PROMISE a nice long post tommorow on my thoughts on the NBC show Parenthood and it's portrayal of the autistic character. :)