Value.

We have a fair number of kids, and over the years they've all been pretty involved in any number of extra curricular activaties.  If you've been around the blog for a long time you know that some of our kids have been HIGHLY involved in one activity while others have opted to bounce between seasons and anything with a ball.    I've spent more time then I ever imagined I would in a ballet studio, learned to be stage manager for full scale theatrical productions, how to time a swim meet, the various rules and regulations of baseball, soccer, and most recently track.  I know more about figure skating then I ever learned watching NBC sports on Sunday afternoons when there was nothing else to show. ;)

The most common question I get asked is "how do you afford all that?" and the second most common question is "why?!!"  Sometimes the second question comes with a side of snark and a whole lot of attitude.  Of course, the answers to those questions are complicated, and vary by child. They are also, frankly, none of the asker's business. 

However, every once in a while there is a day where it most clearly illustrates, WHY I pay for all that.  Yesterday was one of those days:

It was Monday, Charlotte had a lesson.  Spring Break was FINALLY over and my schedule was back to "normal".  All seemed to be running smoothly until mid way through her lesson when I realized I could see her stomping on the ice from outside the rink.  Truth be told, I only "watch" her lesson in occasional glances thru the window, usually from the picnic bench or if I am walking by carrying Ella around, or, more recently, chasing Ella around.  

After a few moments of watching the stomping and turning away  from her coach , by the window,  I went in to make sure her coach wasn't ready for me to drag her off the ice.  Charlotte LOVES to skate.  I mean she L-O-V-E-S, loves to skate.  But as my good friend J likes to say "she's also six, and somedays she's going to BE six."     She was DECIDELY six yesterday.

Her coach confirmed we were "having a bit of a tantrum" and I watched long enough to figure out that the heart of the issue was that Coach wanted her to work on a skill she hates, on a skill that is hard, and long story short, she didn't want to.  

Charlotte's coach is Fantastic with a capital F.  She managed the rest of the lesson, coaxing along my reluctant skater girl, trying to get her to overcome the idea that she "Can't" do x skill.  When her lesson was over, Charlotte came off the ice to see me.

At this point I usualy ask how the lesson went, she tells me "good" or "not so good" or some little thng they worked on, or something funny Coach said.  I really only ask to make conversation.  She typically gets a drink of water and goes back out for practice ice for half an hour. Yesterday I wasn't sure that was happening, because she walked out into the lobby and burst into tears.  Charlotte skates a lot and this had NEVER happened. 

Eventually I got her calmed down and some water and heard her retell the tale of how she had to work on her spin and she "can't do her spin that way!".  A frusturated little girl got asked:

"Charlotte, what do I tell your brothers about things worth doing?"

And a frusturated little skater girl said "that they're all sometimes hard."  Right. BINGO!  She's been listening. 

So I asked if she wanted to practice or was she done, and she said she wanted to practice, but she wanted me to watch.  Done! 

We went back into the rink and she practiced spins.  Some were really close.  Some were a disaster.  Some never got started.  She'd skate over and ask about her foot position.  She wanted me to video the next one for Daddy on my phone.  Now she wanted to see it.  No she was gonna try another one for the video, but don't erase that one okay?  Slowly but surely she was back to calm, and trying.  About half way thru her half hour I told her mommy was freezing and I was going back to the lobby, but she had worked really hard - and why didn't she spend the rest of the time practicing her jumps (which she loves) or other fun skating. 

She came off the ice on her own, with two minutes left in her time, and announced "I just have to go the bathroom"  I told her she was almost done anyway, so I would just sign her out on the sign in board, no biggie. "How many more minutes do I have?" she asked. 

"Two, just go to the bathroom, don't worry about it." I replied.

"Nah, I want to use my last few minutes, sign me out for the time I left to go to the bathroom"

THAT is what I pay for.  It's the real "value" of those extra curricular activities. 

Dedication.

Focus.

Ambition.

Goal setting

Passion.

How to have a BAD day, and turn that into desire to have a better one the next day.

How to loose graciously.

Learning how a healthy body matters.

How to work hard on things that come easily, and harder on things that don't.

To never give up.

Because none of my kids are going to be professional athletes, or Olympians, and while being able to scratch spin and crossover  your way into a salchow jump is a fun party trick at open skate, and Molly has long mastered the Titanic movie trick of standing on your toes, all that money wouldn't be worth  that. 
But that other stuff?  Seeing your kids so frustrated they want to quit and keep going anyway?  Watching them take deep breaths and refocus instead of melting down?   

I watched the little skater girl spin around my living room on her spinner last night while waiting for her dad to serve her ice cream and she did a lot of messy spins. But then.... she did just ONE spin, where she got into the right position for a fraction of a second.

"Yes!" she hollered and then giggled.   "I CAN DO THIS!" she exclaimed.

Yes, skater girl, you can do hard things. You can work hard, and accomplish goals.  Some goals take more work then others.  Some things will come easily to your friends, and be harder for you. But yes, you CAN do hard things.    And that?  That's worth every penny. 

Sibling Day

Facebook tells me that yesterday was "sibling day", and while I am pretty sure this is a "holiday" Facebook make up entirely on their own, I certainly seemed to see a lot of people boisterously observing it online.  Sure, why not?  So today I  am celebrating siblings, in the way that feels the most natural to me, by celebrating the unique relationships, close knit friendships, and ultimate bonding experience that comes from having "the shared experience" of growing up together, 

One of my favorite, and also most challenging aspects of parenting is the handling of the sibling relationship.  Because at the end of the day, even when they have done nothing but bicker, and argue, and stage jealous attacks, these kids will always have been each other's closest friends.

They are each other's first choice in playmate, their loudest cheer leader, their closest confidant, and at times their greatest rival and their harshest critic.  

As a parent, it's my job to play referee, chief counselor, and director of misplaced feelings.  More importantly it's my job to foster that sense of comradery that overcomes the inherent jealously and competition.  To encourage them to rejoice in one another's happiness, to share in our victories, and to be mindful of the idea that when all other friends have gone, they will always have each other.

This is not a task that I take lightly, but it IS an important one.  Asking not "what are they doing to you now?" and instead "what's going on with so and so?  What can you do to help them out?" 

Not to say I haven't been answered with "nothing he's being a butt!"  But I HAVE tried to redirect that to an empathetic heart, and a helpful spirit.   Because at the end of the day, at the end of the season, at the end of their parents lives, I want to rest knowing they will always have had the safety net of each other. 

editors note: One of the reasons I feel so compelled to foster the sibling relationship is that I have known the other side of siblings, no siblings.  Jason was an only child, and I never would have imagined until we faced them, the number of times we have said "if only you'd have had a sibling"  As a wife there have been times I may have sarcastically told him that it was a good thing he didn't, they'd have kicked his backside.  ;)  There are definite advantages to learning things like compromise and how to "fight fair" with siblings.  Of course not all children have siblings, and that's okay too of course. It's just not what our choice was. :)  (Minivan diaries strives to be a judge free zone. :) )

For myself, the child of a divorce, I have three half sisters.  One on my father's side, whom I am just now getting to know, in little bits,  by social media, and two I grew up with, but we simply aren't close.   Or anything near to it.  People are shocked by that.  But it's not really a shocking occasion.  They're grown ups, I wish good things for them, I sincerely hope that they are happy.  I just don't have any relationship with them.  There is a significant age gap, we aren't at similar places in life.   It's not a shocking or sad situation, its just what the situation is.   It has shaped how I hope my kids relate to each other both now, and as grown ups.  But I am realistic about the reality.  It's almost certain that Eleanor will be closer to Charlotte then she is to Luke, there's a fourteen year age difference.  But the bond between Luke and Molly?  Unbreakable.  

Wordless Weeken Post

Reasons Why Charlotte Couldn't Go To Bed Last Night ( a belated what they said Wednesday)

* She could not stop speaking in an "accent" and it was making her cry

* She loves me

* Just laying in bed and doing nothing was too stupid to "precipitate" (participate) in

* the moonlight "rays" were too bright unless you turned out the light, and if you turn out the light it was scary

* the blanket is scratchy and when she itches it makes this weird sound

* she thought by now I would be reasonable and let her lay on the living room floor. 

These TWO

I swear that it was yesterday when I was cleaning up the 2 and 3 year old combined bedroom in our two bedroom apartment, making the tinerkbell toddler bed, and folding blankets on on the Elmo toddler bed, picking up the play kitchen, and stopping Luke from putting all the wrong colored marker lids on the markers and freaking Molly out.  In those days I thought life was hard, but really it was easy.  

These days, I am overwhelmed by high school choices, and class selections, and making the best choices,and the best plans to lead them to college, and to career to college programs they have selected.  It hardly seems possible.  Now I spend my days, driving to school clubs, and being unknowingly volunteered to host community service brainstorming sessions, and trying to remember that this time too, is sweet and fleeting.   Playing together means they've sinc-ed their kindles. 

I try and remember it's not a burden, but a good thing when I pick Luke up from science club and he's volunteered me to drive his friend Alec home.  He trusts me to help his friend out, and I've done something to raise him to be the kind of kid who volunteers to do so, rather then leaving his friend in a lurch.  

I try to remember when Molly announces that she told the director she was sure she could come up with a disco costume for the play, for tomorrow that someday I will miss interrupting my schedule to hunt down disco attire in 2016.  How boring will my life be then? 

I try to remember when simultaneously trusting them to do their work and stay on top of their grades, and also at the same time teaching them how to do so, by religiously checking their grades, and schedules that doing so demonstrates I care.  That I need to not only tell them it's on them and expect good things, but also show them how to do that.  Because they're big kids, but they're still kids. 

I try and remember that when Luke is facebook messaging me recipes at 12:30 am from a friends house, that in addition to being these kids I love, they're quickly becoming people I like,  

Tonight as we finalize classes for one, and start in on the other, I will try and remember that registering for high school wasn't so hard back when I went to school, and walked barefoot in the snow... up hill both ways....  Oh wait.  I think that was my parents. 

The Winter That Nearly Wasn't

So I had good intentions when the winter started about blogging again daily.  About combing my loves of children, and family, and sarcasm, and cooking, and ridiculous rants, and maybe some random stuff about fashion (or lack there of) but then we sort of broke our computer.  Fear not, its been replaced!  (Sing hallelujah in the streets folks!)  So of course on this first, vital post back what I really want to talk about is the weather. Yeah, I said it.  The weather. 

We seriously had the worst winter I can remember in that, instead of a beautiful, long season of early sunsets, and cold winter nights huddled up at home, while the magic of fresh falling snow blanketed the world, we had what I like to call the never ending almost spring.  In that it was 40 some degrees, brown, muddy and occasionally icy.  I was basically in a seasonal depression about from thanksgiving on.  Christmas didn't feel like Christmas, January felt like late March and it was a great big grey bucket of suck.  I know, I know many of you thought it was great -- you were wrong ;)  If you don't like snow -- I advise you don't live in Michigan folks!

But at last, the last week of February when I had all but given up hope, winter came.  Eleven inches of beautiful white stuff, followed up by two snow days, and days of continual flurry.  (Most winters living JUST inside where the lake effect snow comes to die, every day is a soft dusting of flurry, like living in a perpetual snow globe.) Then a second storm set schools releasing mid way thru the day, offices shutting down and another beautiful pounding of eight inches. 

WE went sledding, we built snow men, we made hot cocoa, and for just a little while, the seasons had set themselves right.   But it was not to last. Two days later in what can only be described as themost "pure Michigan" moment I have seen, my kids were outside riding bikes, in hoodies and t-shirts, neighbor kids were in shorts, throwing the last of the snow balls at eachother.  It was 65 degrees and the snow was going away.  But at least it finally showed.   Better late then never I suppose.  

Swim Season Wrap Up

States were this weekend.  STATES.  When Duck boy decided this fall to give swimming a try again, I would never have imagined it would end in states.  He used to be really good, and swimming was a lifestyle we willingly subscribed too. But it had been four years, and well -- that was a lot of time out of the pool.  Duck boy was twice the size he used to be.  Literally.  

But he seemed to fall back into the pool naturally, posting similar times to that he left with, despite the additional 16 inches, and 75 pounds.  It was fun to see him participating in a sport again, having a social life outside of school and Yu Gi Oh club, making friends.  In fact, the biggest shock of all -- seeing him flirting with girls on the pool deck  In fact, that may have been to big a shock. 

And while they didn't medal at states.  They did medal at Districts, and for the first time in years, qualified their school for the State meet. As we had to remind them on Saturday when they were feeling pretty poorly for themselves, the accomplishment was that they got there.   There were big schools there that had 25 state qualifiers on their team.  Our team only had around 25 swimmers total, but we had five state qualifiers, and Duck Boy was one of them.  

For me, the best moments of the season were watching him on the pool deck, with friends, laughing, and enjoying a sport he once walked away from again.  

Here's to a great season, to being excited to start the off season work outs for next year, to learning the value of setting goals, and working towards them, and to getting to wear this jacket. 

The Big Birthday Wrap Up

We did a "practice" cake run at breakfast, because if there is one thing six babies has taught me it's that they don't really care if it's their first birthday and you want them to be really into the cake.  She seemed pretty excited though.  The boys and Charlotte were happy to have hot pumpkin spice muffins for breakfast too. 

She was probably wondering what I was taking pictures of breakfast for though. 

Charlotte should not be this excited over a hot breakfast, I am feeling a little guilty for her our standard menu of toast, cereal and fruit. 

We played in the playroom for a little bit before bath, but even Elephants need to get "all clean".

Because I want to remember what she wore that day. :)

We wanted to order a special cake, and do it all up big, but the reality is we don't really have anyone to invite.  Jason is an only child, and my sisters are either too far away, and/or not really interested.   They have zero cousins that live within 1000 miles, and grandparents that frequent Florida this time of year.  Birthday parties are pretty simple around here.  So we made the cake ourselves.  Well, I made it, and Charlotte decorated it.  Banana cake and buttercream icing (incidentally, my favorite!)

The practice run worked, she LOVED it. 

And the cake was big hit too!

Birthdays are exhausting!

One. Ella by the numbers.

It doesn't even seem possible but this little thing turned one.  How could it really have been a year since I was desperately trying to end my misery, have a baby?

But in honor of the day, here are ten things we have learned about you, Eleanor Kimberly Williams.

1.  You were supposed to be a daddy's girl.  I told you daily while pregnant that you were going to be DADDY'S baby.  But like so many of your siblings you didn't listen.  You are a Mama zealot.  You want all Mama, all the time, no other Mama will do.  I love you dealy my little velcro baby. But really is it too much to ask to put you down from time to time?

2. You love music.  You especially love Samuel playing you his violin.  An afternoon spent at the Orchestra building is an afternoon well loved.

3. You are not the bravest little bear, Ells.  You are afraid of strangers, of loud noises, of toys that make noise and move, of baths, and easily overwhelmed in crowds.  You want someone to hold you , and you want to bury your face in someone's shirt.  We think it makes you extra cuddly.

4. You have a lot of nicknames, and none of them are what we planned.  We named you Eleanor, we planned to call you Nora.  We tried, but it didn't stick.  Mostly we call you Ella, or Ells, sometimes your Daddy (whom you call your Da-ya) calls you Ellie.  I have almost given up trying to stop him.

5.  You dislike green beans.  No amount of mixing them with other foods is going to trick you.

6. You have hair that has a personality all it's own, and we are pretty sure its headlining a midnight metal band.  Bed head that goes on for days girl.  Mommy has thus far unsuccessfully tried product, new shampoo, and pig tails to tame it.  No luck!

7. Your favorite things are your blanket, your ball pit and your nesting cups.  You are also in love with Ernie.

8.  Gigantor (Lucas) is your favorite sibling.  He can always make you laugh.  You clap when he walks into a room.  Its really quite the site.  Samuel is your next fav, you have called him "Bra-wa" for brother, he is gentle and helpful with you a lot. You have far less tolerance of Molly, who is often too busy for you, and even less of Charlotte and Teague - who love you so much they cant seem to keep their faces out of yours when you least want them there.  They will learn, Ella-my-ella.  In the meantime I won't tell them how you feel!

9. You are a morning bird.  You like to get up with the sun, and no amount of keeping you up late seems to help.  Your mama is a night owl.  We are both adapting.

10. We all look at you every day and smile, you were the perfect something missing, we never knew we needed until you were here!

What They Said Wednesday

Charlotte (after cutting out ten sight words to glue onto the right colums)

"I just don't think my arms have enough strength to glue these to the papers after all that cutting, you'll have to help me."

Charlotte (on why when she is practicing with her best friend, I should not expect that she is practicing any actual skills)

"When I am skating with my BFF we should only be having fun, what happens if we practice our skills together and only teach each other our mistakes?"

Luke to Eleanor:

"You're like a little person now, you walk and do things.  You just don't talk.  You might want to work on that. "

Molly, on defecting to Canada and claiming political asylum if you're candidate looses the election:"But I don't really want to be Canadian, I hate hockey, and I still want to eat normal bacon."

Samuel replies "Molly, you're the dumbest, smart person I know.  Sorry, that was mean right Mom?"

Um.. yes.  That was mean.  Hey at least he noticed right?!!  Thankfully she laughed.

Eleanor, on everything:

"Yay!!!"