Sibling Day

Facebook tells me that yesterday was "sibling day", and while I am pretty sure this is a "holiday" Facebook make up entirely on their own, I certainly seemed to see a lot of people boisterously observing it online.  Sure, why not?  So today I  am celebrating siblings, in the way that feels the most natural to me, by celebrating the unique relationships, close knit friendships, and ultimate bonding experience that comes from having "the shared experience" of growing up together, 

One of my favorite, and also most challenging aspects of parenting is the handling of the sibling relationship.  Because at the end of the day, even when they have done nothing but bicker, and argue, and stage jealous attacks, these kids will always have been each other's closest friends.

They are each other's first choice in playmate, their loudest cheer leader, their closest confidant, and at times their greatest rival and their harshest critic.  

As a parent, it's my job to play referee, chief counselor, and director of misplaced feelings.  More importantly it's my job to foster that sense of comradery that overcomes the inherent jealously and competition.  To encourage them to rejoice in one another's happiness, to share in our victories, and to be mindful of the idea that when all other friends have gone, they will always have each other.

This is not a task that I take lightly, but it IS an important one.  Asking not "what are they doing to you now?" and instead "what's going on with so and so?  What can you do to help them out?" 

Not to say I haven't been answered with "nothing he's being a butt!"  But I HAVE tried to redirect that to an empathetic heart, and a helpful spirit.   Because at the end of the day, at the end of the season, at the end of their parents lives, I want to rest knowing they will always have had the safety net of each other. 

editors note: One of the reasons I feel so compelled to foster the sibling relationship is that I have known the other side of siblings, no siblings.  Jason was an only child, and I never would have imagined until we faced them, the number of times we have said "if only you'd have had a sibling"  As a wife there have been times I may have sarcastically told him that it was a good thing he didn't, they'd have kicked his backside.  ;)  There are definite advantages to learning things like compromise and how to "fight fair" with siblings.  Of course not all children have siblings, and that's okay too of course. It's just not what our choice was. :)  (Minivan diaries strives to be a judge free zone. :) )

For myself, the child of a divorce, I have three half sisters.  One on my father's side, whom I am just now getting to know, in little bits,  by social media, and two I grew up with, but we simply aren't close.   Or anything near to it.  People are shocked by that.  But it's not really a shocking occasion.  They're grown ups, I wish good things for them, I sincerely hope that they are happy.  I just don't have any relationship with them.  There is a significant age gap, we aren't at similar places in life.   It's not a shocking or sad situation, its just what the situation is.   It has shaped how I hope my kids relate to each other both now, and as grown ups.  But I am realistic about the reality.  It's almost certain that Eleanor will be closer to Charlotte then she is to Luke, there's a fourteen year age difference.  But the bond between Luke and Molly?  Unbreakable.